Qualaya’s Neighborhood

Kikisavatar

Its so me. Boobs and all. Hahhahaha.

I can't stay in my room forever... but there's nowhere left to go...
I don't understand...
I don't know if I ever will...

I'm not afraid...
And I don't hate you...

But I'm so very scared...
and I hate you from the bottom of my heart...

*sigh*

Everything is so complicated...
and I'm the one who is always wrong...

Tell me what you want from me...
Coz I just can't tell anymore...
I keep pretending... but I'm just lost...

If this is the right thing to do... tell me... why does it feel so wrong?

I'm not fragile...
I'm just tired...
Tired of being angry...
and there's no peace left anywhere...

I don't know what to do...
This wasn't supposed to end up like this...

I'm exactly where I began... but I'm not who I was when I was here before...
And everything feels just so wrong...

I want to leave...
but I have nowhere to go...

undecisive?

Its true I am. I cant make up my mind on what I want for dinner or who I want to be when I "grow up". One things for sure. I dont want to work for the man. I want to have my own biz. But lord, knows what that will be. Some days I want to hang out with everyone I've ever met and make tons of new friends and some days I want to curl up in bed and not answer the phone. Sometimes I want to care about my body and my weight and become obsessed with them.. and some days I tell myself "curves are so in, so fuck it."

I bounce back and forth between wanting to have children someday and not. Sometimes I am a bitch, and others I am as sweet as pie.

am I bipolar? no.

I really do hate Midterms. And while I'm at it, end terms.
*sigh*
I have Pol Sci tomorrow... and I know NOTHING.
Tch...
and this trimester was supposed to be different...
Anyhow, I think I shall go listen to some good music...
*bows*
Be good ladies and gentlemen...
Cheers.

P.S> Yes, this was random.
Yeah, I just wasted a little of your time
And no, I don't give a fuck.
Haha!!!
-_-
Sorry. Mid terms do that to me...

Oh while I'm at it... lets see what I have to look forward to after these darned exams!

1. My father's comin to town and my mother is sendin some stuff with him
2. Have to go out and "formally inaugurate" our new detective agency. Must hit Sports Bar!!! The SBA! Trust kills people, so watch out!
3. Spiritus!!!
4. Pasta at a friend's home. ^_^
5. Meyers' comin to town!!! Yay!!!
6. Meyers, roommate, E.S and I must go out one day... drinkin of course. ^_^

Hmm... I guess that should get me through the next three days. *sigh* Will be so fucked at this time tmrw... Consti the day after. Bah!

Anyhow, seeing how my Post Script section is now considerably larger than the main body, I shall retire now.
G'nite...

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

nope nothing new with the sister situation. but thats okay. the more I talk to people and the more support I feel, the better I feel about it. I am not sorry it happened. Okay, Im sorry the way it happened but not sorry that I spoke my mind. not at all. the last communication was her 2nd email in response to mine. her's was horrible. I would have cried my eyes out, if I had let myself.

I dont know how I'll ever be okay with not talking to my older sister, but somehow, I'll manage. Its happened to people before and it will happen to others after this. I tried to make peace of the situation, but sometimes people aren't looking for peace.. they're looking for a fight.

to all my vox friends and neighbors your kind words get me through the day. I wish we could all have coffee someday and chit chat :)

love love love.

Loathing:

stepmonster.

my jiggly ass and stomach.

bills.

my broken car.

Loving:

jessica, my friend, who's being totally supportive throughout this stepmonster thing.

fuckin' peaches and cottage cheese. the best.

the sun is out.

payday is tomorrow. (so glad because my gas light is on)

I sit here, half hidden in a warm blanket.
The windows thrown open to the dark night, as if calling the cold, the silence and the darkness inside...
The music blares, and the colorfully wrapped pieces of expensive chocolate vanish one by one.
After three nights of extensive social contact, once again I find myself with me...
And nothing has changed...

Wasted.
Thats what I've been the last three nights.

Sunday
Vodka and Apple juice.
My roommate and I have a long pending discussion.
Moonlight on a lifetime ago.
Chips and chocolates aid the session.
Does it solve anything? 
I'm not sure.
And importantly,
Does it matter anymore?

Monday
Its Quad party night!
A friend and I sit on the roof.
Cameras, wind, a lone star, phone conversations and a lot of laughter.
Oh yes. And Vodka, Redbull, Rum and Coke.
Go to the party.
And then out for a smoke.
Tripping is best when it doesn't end in a fall.
Even though much, you can't recall.

Tuesday
Night classes to attend.
A supposed to be ordinary boring day.
A call from a drunken friend.
Men in black, Funny conversation and add weed to taste.
A walk around and a crime to solve
A detective agency should be called.
We're here, one drunk, one stoned.
Feels so good to not be high alone!

P.S.
I missed class today. all 4 hours. Damn.
-_-

this one goes out to my neighbor Patti ;-)

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, on one condition."

"What is that?" Lisa asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.